It's unreliable to try and explain what it's like to involve yourself with a life and death experience.

Every time you get submitted or countered it's a declaration that you are at the whim at the other persons mercy. You would have died or been seriously injured had you not admitted defeat. It's one of the most necessary experiences you need to feel on a weekly basis in order for you to remain humbled and centered in life. Perhaps you gain that enlightenment(sounds exaggerated and corny I know but there's truth to it being enlightening) through other experiences besides the physical and although it's a good trait to try and find, it becomes unfiltered in the gym.

It's not about being the "man", being stronger, faster, its more to do with practicing the technique religiously.

My teammates at the gym aren't concerned with being better than you, they are concerned with being better than the person they once were. The dedication to improvement, advancement, and making a significant difference.

It's unrealistic to ever feel like you are the number one, when in reality without anyone else your existence would be void of creativity and expression.